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  • Writer's pictureJennifer LaVia


Updated: Aug 19, 2021

Realizing the importance in working together for your children, even if things didn't work out.

It’s a story as old as time. You meet someone, you fall in love, you get married. You have a

couple of kids. Everything is great. And then it’s not. You can’t live with this person anymore.

He’s horrible. She’s a liar. You never want to see each other again. But you have these children.

So you are bound for life. Even when the children are grown, there will be birthdays and

holidays and weddings and funerals where you will have to run into your ex. So, for the good of

the children, please figure out a way to peacefully coexist with your ex.

You don’t have to be friends, you don’t even have to like each other, but you can still work as a

team to raise the children that you brought into the marriage.


No matter how you feel about your ex, try not to see them as the enemy when it comes to the children. Try to see them as your partner in co-parenting the children.


Remember that your ex-spouse is not your child’s EX-parent. Putting down your spouse in front

of your child can damage the child’s sense of identity. Why do parents put down the ex-spouse in

front of the children? Sometimes it’s just a bad habit. Divorced parents get in the habit of

complaining about their spouses and forget that they are talking about the parent of their

children. Sometimes it’s for more devious reasons . . . trying to “win” the child. If your ex-

spouse is really that awful, your child will figure it out soon enough. With any luck, it won’t

happen until the child is old enough to emotionally handle the heartbreak.

Judges make their decisions based on what is in the “best interest of the child.” Parents need to

remember to do the same thing and learn to co-parent their children.

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